Self-obsessed is ♥.
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Saturday, November 25, 2006, 2:32 PM
hi.changed blogskin again. i've done some maths holiday assignments and i hate holidays. feel so disconnected from my friends. hmmm. wanrong reply my msg okay. sorry wetwet, i'll send the songs to you tml or something.
>BAND
nothing much. the school seems so quiet. i kept imagining people running around. LOL. i hope for our next school term badly. i miss alot alot of things. and i really dont like my routine now. working, band, working, band, on&on... nobody is ever free to go out with me. they would be either too busy with their cca or i could hardly reach them. =T im like living in a unfriendly world, the best part of it, is lost in contact. argh. ever wonder that the internet really brings the world to your doorstep? i seriously doubt it. why? cause i can only reach out to things that all strangers to me, while my usuals are out of my limits. and my usuals are my world.
even though i always wanted to disappear for some days, but this time its different. its like im being forgotten rather than reminded for being missing. i dont know what the shit im talking here. it wasnt long before i went out with somebody, but i feel just so black&white.
had lunch with the band peeps this afternoon. i felt so... different from them. i dont know why. i just feel they are happy people and music is their life. im not. i dont understand what im going for and what is music. to me, studying really helps. but music. its not the sort im in for. i admit i love the sound coming out of my beloved instrument. but i dont have the talent and hardworking-ness in me. im lazy and full of shit. i always pretend to be so high&mighty. i might as well be killed.
theres so many things i regretted doing in my 15 years of living. i bet i would have lost my everything at the age of 30. touchwood though. i just couldnt figure out why my mind just dont spin fast enough and consider every factors. im sick of all the consequences. and im the only one to blame.
okay. i felt that this post is kinda too complicated. its okay if you dont get it or think im a labelled dangerous animal. im numb to everything. cause somehow my brain just cant stop the shit.
im bringing hell to myself.
i asked for it.