Self-obsessed is ♥.
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Saturday, November 01, 2008, 12:03 AM
>DARK CLOUDS EVERYWHERE I GO.I dont feel alright today... maybe because I learnt that everyone will be celebrating... but they missed out mine? haha. anyway we're not a close bunch of people. why bother?
I must admit I feel super upset though. I wandered around... but end up at JE Library. Haha, it sure brings back loads of memories...
I tried looking for books about street performers which is our focus for IAC and COMT, but no luck. They are just not being recognised I guess. After searching high and low, I end up with a poem story. Its pretty.
Its about this China girl who lives in a foreign country with a brother who is ill. She hates her brother cause she has to take care of him and that really restricts her social life. Her brother on the other hand loves her more than anyone else. She also hates her mother, cause her mother stops her from all kinds of sociallising. Her mother well, wants to protect her from all the bad stuff that had happened to her in her teen life. Her father's always not at home, busy making money to support the family.
Anyway, shes a very lucky girl, at least to me. Everyone in school likes her, cause shes cool, good grades, pretty and more. Guys fall head over heels for her. She however, has a different side. Its her form of relief from her tied-up life. She wears skimpy clothes, goes to club, flirts with guys, dance and drink her life away and she usually doesnt know what happen after that.
And when the school prom came, many guys wanted to ask her out. Unfortunately she cant go. cause her mother doesnt allow. After the prom, she decides to take her life. She swallows colourful pills to make her feel real good, feel relief. Then she sets fire in a library she worked in. She died of inhalation of smoke and drugs. An examination of her body shows violation of her body. She got bruised on her inner thighs. ( She got raped. Thats what happen to her after all her clubbings. ) Everyone loves her... She just didnt know, and refuse to know... and shes gone.
After reading this especially in poem forms... it feels so sentimental... Cant she love herself before anyone can love her? I feel like I can understand her feelings. Maybe she needs to open up in order not to get hurt or killed by her own thoughts. She must be very stressed up. If I were her... i guess it would be the same ending. ( except the clubbing part though, I dont have a good figure to wear skimpy clothes. LOL.)
This story didnt make me feel any better. LOL. went home and emo.
I hate good memories, at the same time I love good memories. I hate them cause they make me feel so miserable now cause they are gone forever. I love them cause they once brought happiness and contentment to me...
I feel like drinking my life away...
i dont like beers, volka or gin will be fine.